I don’t know if I’m just getting used to being alone again or if my non-fiction "Life Writing" class has kicked my self-awareness into overdrive, but either way, I have found that lately, my minds focuses on me, what I’m doing with my life, if I’ve made the right choices, why I have either squandered or bypassed certain opportunities, whether or not things will ever "fall into place" for me. Depressing, right? I have always found this hyper-self-analysis to negatively impact my emotional state, though when I’m alone it’s an exercise I effortlessly revert back to.
I thought to myself this past weekend while sitting on the couch eating Chinese food, "Wow, I’ve been living in Chicago for a little more than a year and a half. Why doesn’t it feel like home?" This was followed by all the reasons it probably doesn’t feel like home: I’ve moved three times to three different neighborhoods in a year and a half; I’ve had two long distance relationships and spent many of my weekends flying back and forth from Chicago to Boston and then Chicago to Ohio; I managed to separate myself from my Chicago friends when my (ex) boyfriend decided to move here; I worked at a company for a year and three months that made me miserable and tired… I’m sure the list goes on.
None of those factors exists anymore. In the last three months, I mutually broke off my relationship; I moved to an apartment in a neighborhood where I plan to stay in until I can afford to buy a condo; I changed jobs and am now employed at an organization that aligns with my values and beliefs about work and, to a point, society; I have reconnected with friends. But it still feels like I’m only half living. Why? Because I’m still searching for something in this city that shouts, "You belong here!" But, I seem to have the kind of lifestyle that whispers, "You could pick up and leave tomorrow, roll the dice, find another city, and see if that one fits."
Gosh, I’m pouring out my heart to you guys today. Sorry. This post was actually supposed to be about "miracle cures" and my belief in them and search for something to cure my lack of energy. I do believe that everything in the body is connected and that my mental state is affecting my physical state and/or vice versa. My friend and I were chatting on Google earlier when she brought an article about biomagnetic therapy. Here’s the link: Therapy hyped for weight loss, cleansing effects.
This led to a discussion of acupuncture (which my family's dog Miss Maggie Moo has been getting since she was about eight years old, she’s now 15, for her back... I’ve seen this "miracle cure" in action even if it was in action on a dog).
Maybe acupuncture is the answer for me. After looking at a few Web sites, I learned that you can get treatments for improving your energy as well as your state-of-mind. So, I’m thinking about it. Why? I’ve got nothing better to do than to try new things and report back to my readers.
You may be asking yourself why I am a believer in the "miracle cure" and its bastard child "the quick fix." Well, a year ago, at the suggestion of a guy who dated a friend of mine, I picked up a book that told me I could quit smoking if I read the book with an open mind. I did read the book and I did quit smoking. And if you peruse the 100+ reviews of The Easy Way to Stop Smoking by Alan Carr, you’ll see a lot of other people did too (and yes, I did write a review). So, if quitting smoking, something I tried to do on and off for 10 years, can be truly be that simple, surely there must be other things out there as that will quickly improve my quality of life, right?
Well, I realize that question/statement may be a bit naïve or just lazy of me (I will admit I’m not a fan of the "hard way"), but we all have our faults and my justification may well be along the lines of, "It’s not like I’ve got anything more pressing to do." So, I’ll keep searching and I’ll let you know if I find anything worthwhile. In the meantime, if you know someone who wants to quit smoking I highly recommend the book (and FYI, so does Ellen DeGeneres).