Monday, December 11, 2006

Knowlege=Power, Ignorance=Bliss

I learned something last night and I’d like to pass that bit of information along. As you know, I am on a quest to find a cure for fatness. As part of this quest, I am researching many new diets and I am currently reading, You: On a Diet. This book basically breaks down, more than I’ve seen before, how the body works when it comes to food, including the processes that signal to your brain that you’re hungry, that you’re full, and how these processes can become “confused” so to speak. The confusion can lead to… that’s right… weight gain. Fascinating. What follows is one such confusion.

Now keep in mind, I’m bastardizing this information a little, but this is how I understood it. Apparently, the brain function that signals to your body that craving food to eat also signals to your body when you’re… how do say… craving other things… specifically sex. If you are not getting laid, it’s easy to misinterpret that “craving” as hunger rather than what’s it really for, which is sex. In conclusion, people who have a healthy, monogamous, and active sex life also eat less and therefore do not have as many weight issues. Why? Because they are satisfying that other craving rather than eating to curb it.

Now, I’m simplifying and the true conclusion may not always be an A+B automatically equals C kind of equation, but for arguments sake let’s go with it.

I’m sure this is fabulous news for some of you out there. For me… not so good. If the fact that no one is buying me presents or taking me to dinner or going to kiss me on New Year’s Eve wasn’t sad enough during this holiday season, now I learn that my lack of a man is making me fatter. That’s how I read it anyway. Bitter… me? No.

The bright side… knowledge is power my friends. And now when I’m hungry I can ask myself, is food what I really want? The unfortunate consequence of this information is that if the answer is no, I will know what I’m really craving which of course is impossible to satiate save a career change to prostitution (of course that sort of negates the whole “healthy” and “monogamous” part). This will inevitably put me on a crash course headed straight towards a deep, dark depression which can only be thwarted with one thing: a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.

Nice. I just can’t get a break.

Perhaps ignorance was bliss. Kind of like how Half Baked is also bliss. Ummm… ice cream…

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