Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Owning Up

Recently, a friend of mine asked me why I blog rather than journal. To put it another way, why do I choose to write in a public forum where I could potentially get myself in trouble when I could just jot things down in a notebook at home that no one would ever see?

Well, I had a couple responses to that question. First of all, I tend to stay away from topics that could potentially bite me in the ass in the event I, say, run for political office. I don’t often write about work, I don’t use full names, I don’t bitch about people who are pissing me off, I don’t tell stories about drugs and hookers, and I try to stay away from using the “f” word. And I really like the “f” word.

Second, I do journal and no one wants to read about the stuff that I write down in my notebook. Not even me and I wrote it.

Finally--and I realized this as I was working on a different post about the blog keeping me accountable as a runner--the blog keeps me accountable as a writer. I post nearly everyday because I love it, but also because I’m committed to it and I know that there are a few of you out there reading it. Gotta love an audience.

There is a flip side to this accountability--the admission of failure. When I write down all the things I want to do and be, as a runner and in life, and I let the whole world read them, I feel even more accountable for those goals. And when I fall off the wagon, I have to answer to you guys. Not that you’ll judge me, but it’s still never fun to admit failure especially when you’re doing something you believe in… even if what you believe in is running and eating right. (Is that shallow?)

Which leads me to what I’ve been trying to tell you… I think it’s time for me to take a hiatus from training for half marathons.

What happened? Good question. I don’t know. I got sick, I stopped training for a few weeks, I tried to get back into it, and I’m struggling… big time. A month ago I was running four to six miles three to four times a week and now, I can’t even bust a move on a treadmill for 15 minutes. And it seems completely counterintuitive, but I know now that I can’t lose weight if I’m training. I'm too hungry. I think weight loss needs to be my focus for the time being if I really want to reach other goals that I have.

As for the Columbus half marathon? I don’t know at this point if I will start training for it or not come February. I’m going to keep running once or twice a week simply for exercise and hopefully, I’ll get back to that place where I enjoyed a good run. Then I’ll decide. If not Columbus, I would like to start training again in the spring for the Chicago half and full marathon. We’ll see. The truth is, right now, I just want to stop for awhile.


Sarah said...

Way to own up, Lou, way to own up. For it is true and incredibly frustrating, unless you are an elite runner it is very difficult to lose weight while training for a half marathon or a marathon. Dining low carb is nearly impossible and hunger level is always high. Although I’m heaving a huge sign of relief (because now I’ll be finished after my race for women over 40 and no longer need to keep up the running schedule for the following three weeks), I am upset that you won't be seeing me in my thong bathing suit.

Nikkie said...

I completely respect your decision to scale back the running for now, because I'm sure there is a point where you just don't feel like it anymore and it's a waste of time. I do hope that it a couple months off you'll want to keep me company when I get running again. I don't plan on doing the half marathon this spring, but it may help start up a routine for me (you'll see the trend when you read my blog!) It's just not the same without you :)