I did the unthinkable on Monday and Tivo-ed The Bachelor. After all my ranting and raving, I really, really wanted to know what was going to happen. On Tuesday, I commanded my Tivo to summon the hour and twenty-nine minute episode for my viewing/listening pleasure (I thought if I just had The Bachelor on in the background while I was making dinner, as opposed to actually devoting precious couch time to the show, it would somehow make my lapse in judgment less deliberate and more accidental. Something along the lines of, “I tivo-ed this? Must have mistakenly hit record. Well… as long as I’ve already pressed play”).
As it turned out, pretty much the entire episode consisted of high-pitched shrieking and bikini-clad girls each vying to be the first to stick her tongue down Andy's throat. When I finally put my dinner in the oven and sat down, I fast-forwarded to the final scene, the rose ceremony. Apparently the producers believe that calling 12 names should drag on for approximately 15 minutes. Awkward small talk is the best! "Um... Stephanie, I want to give you this rose because I really think I'd like to 'f' you in an upcoming episode." Full disclosure: Andy didn't actually say that. I don't actually know what Andy said because I fast-forwarded through the, "Will you accept this rose?" bullshit, stopping only to hear the names called. And, again I renewed my hatred for the show.
I decided that my illicit affair with The Bachelor would have to end right then and there. Sorry Andy, I know that I was the one you really loved. We had a connection. I felt it.
Lucky for me, I’ll have 30 Rock to keep me occupied in times of manlessness (is that a word? No? Really? It should be). NBC officially renewed the series for another session last week! [Cheering.]
If you don’t watch this show already, you should because if it goes off the air I will get angry… The Bachelor on an endless loop angry. Tina Fey is a vision and a visionary. The show is well-cast and brilliantly written. I have fallen off the couch twice because of this show. From laughter, not drunkenness. And not really, but perhaps if my balance wasn’t as acutely developed from years and years of professional ballet training.