Tuesday, July 17, 2007

The Story of Carbs

Have you ever been on a diet? Like some crazy ass Adkins diet? Have you ever given up all things carbohydrate? (If I even began to think about a low carb diet, I crumble to a loaf of bread within moments.)

But you… your willpower is much stronger than mine and you’re on Adkins, and you give up carbohydrates. You are amazingly disciplined, and you’re dropping the lbs like nobody’s business. After awhile, you don’t even miss the carbs… or rather, you don’t realize you miss them. That is until you wind up at some douchebag’s birthday party who doesn’t give a crap about your diet and the fact that it has been months since you put anything besides bacon in your mouth, and he places cake (CAKE!) right in front of you. Just like that. Willpower... what willpower? It was gone the second your eyes darted from the cake to the plastic cup filled with plastic forks.

But, you – like any normal person would - think, Yeah, I can have a little cake. I’ve been so good for so long, and maybe… maybe I’ve finally learned how to control the amount of cake I eat. One or two bites… that’s it. I can handle it.


Without even realizing it, you’re six pieces deep, and you feel incredible. Cake - sugar and white flour and all of that stuff that you haven’t put into your body for months - is exactly the thing that you’ve been missing. And you didn’t even know it. So your brain commands you to eat more cake...

Must eat cake. More euphoric cake. Cake = good.

But, you fail to foresee the consequences of your cake indiscretions, and what happens next is, sadly, inevitable.

You lose it. Your behavior becomes erratic; you're - all of a sudden - bursting at the seams with emotions ranging from depression to paranoia to rage to God knows what else.

You, my friend, are an irrational, emotional mess... a complete nightmare.

Of course you are! You haven’t had cake in months! Your body isn’t used to eating that crap. The cake reacted – and poorly might I add - with your body chemistry (come on people! This is “Dare to Keep Kids off Drugs” 101). Once the unfamiliar cake substance was ingested you went high (Wee! Sugar!) before you crashed and burned (Boo. Sugar.).

And now you are forced to deal with the aftermath of your decision to eat the cake in the first place.

The thing is... after all that, you still want cake. But now, it's gone (you ate it all). And even though you know that particular cake caused a negative reaction, you think that since the cake has been reintroduced, your body has adjusted and the next cake will be a little easier on you. Is it possible that there is cake out there that will allow you to maintain some semblance of balance?

So maybe it's time to reintroduce cake back into your life... because really... what is life with out a little cake? And low carb diets are just absurd.

Make sense?


heidikins said...

Mmmmmm... cake.


Lou's Sister said...

I feel like I'm on an episode of Intervention and you're Jenny Craig or David Kirchhoff (CEO of WW). You're definitely not Suzanne Somers.