Wednesday, August 15, 2007

At Heart: The Remix

Yesterday: You know @, it’s Tuesday, and I feel the need to celebrate. In fact, I feel the need to celebrate with adult beverages and some like-minded individuals. And (AND!) the people who brought us Nerds at Heart just happen to be throwing all-inclusive party for gay, straight, single, and taken nerds! You know, people like us. Sort of. Some of them anyway. Whatever, I’m bored. Let’s go.

Golly gee, what luck…

Dating: The “A” Game
Another post about dating… where to begin?

Quite a few of you responded to the post about my rejection from eHarmony. There were a lot of supporters, a few naysayers (fair enough, we all have opinions and I love the idea of "blog as forum" and "blog as dialogue starter"), and one blog stalker (Who the hell are you?).

But, of course I got stuck on Sean’s comment. I mean, who wouldn’t? I wasn’t personally offended or anything, but I felt like his comment did not represent me, or my approach to this whole “finding love in this crazy world” thing. I thought about it and discussed with @ the pros and cons of a response. I decided against it. Then, when I started this post, I decided in favor of response. Formal-like.

On one hand, Sean's point… it's valid. I see it. I have often been one to wonder what the big deal is about finding a significant other. I know a guy who went on three or four dates a week (facilitated by an online dating service) until he found a girlfriend. I never understood why he put all the time and energy into dating 100 million different women. The process seemed exhausting.

But, I have lived in Chicago for two and a half years. I lived outside the city while attending graduate school for another year. Yes… at one point I was in a relationship (long distance for nine months, living together for three), but other than that unfortunate mishap, while in the Chicago area, I have met only one person with whom there has been mutual interest and attraction. One person! Three and half years!

The truth is, before when I was single and living in Chicago, I wasn’t really looking. I dabbled in online dating; I maybe entertained the idea of meeting someone while out on the town. But, it didn’t happen, and for the most part, I didn’t care. And, as Sean so aptly pointed out, I ended meeting someone when I least expected it.

Then what happened? Oh yeah… it didn’t work out. Call it a rebound; call it whatever. I never expected it to be long term; however, it did make me realize that having someone around again was really... nice. And, considering that I spent years in Chicago and met only one person by not looking, what are the chances that if I'm actually looking, actually “putting myself out there,” I will actually meet more people?

It’s something to think about.

Also, for the record, I have no problem being single. I don’t go out desperately searching for love. I never have. I don't have unreasonable expectations that every man I meet is a potential boyfriend. And I think plenty of people in my life would agree that this has never been my M.O. And by the way, it has taken me a long time to feel as though it’s OK to admit that I would like to be in a relationship. The truth is most people do... whether they are willing to say it or not.

Full Circle
And we’re back to last night’s "Nerds" party, which wasn’t a "single’s event" per say. It was a celebration for the organizer’s one year anniversary, and so there were a lot of familiar faces from when @ and I attended back in April. Similar to the April event, there was trivia, board games, and – best of all – name tags! No wedding ring check, no discussion as to which "way" one is swinging. The organizers were smart enough to take the guess work out of the evening, and everyone had a color-coded tag signifying whether they were straight and single, gay and single, or taken (they had an option for bi-sexual nerds as well, but it required a desire to get a little artsy/craftsy with the cutting and the pasting of the various colored tags).

Overall this event was way more entertaining than the one in April. First, there was less pressure because the atmosphere was more “party” and less “dating event.” Second, there was the added bonus of people watching. I spent a lot of time staring at name tags thinking, “Wow. She’s cute; maybe I’ll go change my color,” and “Really, him?” Finally, the beverages were flowing, the cocktail waiter/writer/actor (presumably, aren’t they all?) gave us free shots, and I got at least one drink paid for by a nice gentleman.

And… speaking of... That nice gentleman just happened to be the same guy who contacted me after the first event (the same one I blew off because of that aforementioned "one guy"). Last time, when I met him, he barely spoke to me and I couldn't figure out what had piqued his interest. @ had to fill me in on various bits of information, such as what he did for a living, where he lived, etc. This time, I noticed he was wearing a shirt with the Chicago Accenture Triathlon logo. Turns out, he is also training for the marathon and – what luck – we had much more in common than I first suspected.

So... I guess we shall see what happens next...


Nikkie said...

You know, in between boyfriends I'm usually single and date-less for 2-3 year stretches. The first guy who goes on a date with me will be my boyfriend for a minimum of three months. It's just the rules.

And don't worry about the age thing - I keep aging myself. I already refer to myself as 29 (ugh), even though it's two months and two days away...yes I'm counting down.

L Sass said...

I'm all for not taking dating uberseriously. I think online dating is a great way to feel like your "out there." I know several people who met their sig oths / spouses online. I know more who dabbled in online dating, had fun, but ended up meeting their sig oth the "old fashioned" way.

Hope nice gentleman works out, though.

Kendra said...

I heart nerds.

Will said...

I actually was e-introduced to you on an internet dating site. Apparently you wern't interested--I ended up finding your myspace profile that and led me here. That sounds kinda "stalker" like, doesn't it? It kinda creeps me out admitting to it, but like I said I like the blog. I think you have similar thoughts that a lot of us late 20somethings have. The plus is that you have a humorous writing style and are open to writing these thoughts down.

So my 2c on Sean's comment. Of course this strategy (if you can call being a pacifist a strategy) works for people. But shouldn't people do both: (A) Live their life and let good people that come along into it, and (B) Actively seek good people to be apart of your life? It just seams like you are increasing your odds...

Good luck.

heidikins said...

haha! That you for the entertainment portion, quite hilarious.

As for the dating bit - without wanting to sound trite, I think you're on the right track, even if it's still preliminaries at this point.


Dena said...

When I read you Sean comment - I figured it was from the Sean that you and I know - Well - Not that I dont love Sean - But I dont think that those words could really come out of his mouth!

I personally am a FIRM believer in 'Finding the prefect someone when you are not even looking' - That is how I found my Jeff and he is a nerd to boot!

This Will comment above ?!?! If you have to say that he doesn't want to sound like a stalker but contacts your second cousin twice removed for the email address of your childhood dog to find you - then sounds like you may be one!

Just kidding - All in FUN! (I personally love cyber tracking things / people down - I found my wedding photographer through a four jump)

P.s. I was in Chicago this weekend and forgot to call! - Next time - especially if you gave me your digits!

Pallavi said...

Hey Lou, nice blog, glad I stopped by! Funny that I just came across this article on the Guardian today:

'Chinese couple try to name child @'
Parents who wanted a distinctive name for their baby boy earn a rebuke from government watchdog.,,2150301,00.html

@ said...

China has all the good ideas this week.