Yesterday: You know @, it’s Tuesday, and I feel the need to celebrate. In fact, I feel the need to celebrate with adult beverages and some like-minded individuals. And (AND!) the people who brought us Nerds at Heart just happen to be throwing all-inclusive party for gay, straight, single, and taken nerds! You know, people like us. Sort of. Some of them anyway. Whatever, I’m bored. Let’s go.
Golly gee, what luck…
Dating: The “A” Game
Another post about dating… where to begin?
Quite a few of you responded to the post about my rejection from eHarmony. There were a lot of supporters, a few naysayers (fair enough, we all have opinions and I love the idea of "blog as forum" and "blog as dialogue starter"), and one blog stalker (Who the hell are you?).
But, of course I got stuck on Sean’s comment. I mean, who wouldn’t? I wasn’t personally offended or anything, but I felt like his comment did not represent me, or my approach to this whole “finding love in this crazy world” thing. I thought about it and discussed with @ the pros and cons of a response. I decided against it. Then, when I started this post, I decided in favor of response. Formal-like.
On one hand, Sean's point… it's valid. I see it. I have often been one to wonder what the big deal is about finding a significant other. I know a guy who went on three or four dates a week (facilitated by an online dating service) until he found a girlfriend. I never understood why he put all the time and energy into dating 100 million different women. The process seemed exhausting.
But, I have lived in Chicago for two and a half years. I lived outside the city while attending graduate school for another year. Yes… at one point I was in a relationship (long distance for nine months, living together for three), but other than that unfortunate mishap, while in the Chicago area, I have met only one person with whom there has been mutual interest and attraction. One person! Three and half years!
The truth is, before when I was single and living in Chicago, I wasn’t really looking. I dabbled in online dating; I maybe entertained the idea of meeting someone while out on the town. But, it didn’t happen, and for the most part, I didn’t care. And, as Sean so aptly pointed out, I ended meeting someone when I least expected it.
Then what happened? Oh yeah… it didn’t work out. Call it a rebound; call it whatever. I never expected it to be long term; however, it did make me realize that having someone around again was really... nice. And, considering that I spent years in Chicago and met only one person by not looking, what are the chances that if I'm actually looking, actually “putting myself out there,” I will actually meet more people?
It’s something to think about.
Also, for the record, I have no problem being single. I don’t go out desperately searching for love. I never have. I don't have unreasonable expectations that every man I meet is a potential boyfriend. And I think plenty of people in my life would agree that this has never been my M.O. And by the way, it has taken me a long time to feel as though it’s OK to admit that I would like to be in a relationship. The truth is most people do... whether they are willing to say it or not.
And we’re back to last night’s "Nerds" party, which wasn’t a "single’s event" per say. It was a celebration for the organizer’s one year anniversary, and so there were a lot of familiar faces from when @ and I attended back in April. Similar to the April event, there was trivia, board games, and – best of all – name tags! No wedding ring check, no discussion as to which "way" one is swinging. The organizers were smart enough to take the guess work out of the evening, and everyone had a color-coded tag signifying whether they were straight and single, gay and single, or taken (they had an option for bi-sexual nerds as well, but it required a desire to get a little artsy/craftsy with the cutting and the pasting of the various colored tags).
Overall this event was way more entertaining than the one in April. First, there was less pressure because the atmosphere was more “party” and less “dating event.” Second, there was the added bonus of people watching. I spent a lot of time staring at name tags thinking, “Wow. She’s cute; maybe I’ll go change my color,” and “Really, him?” Finally, the beverages were flowing, the cocktail waiter/writer/actor (presumably, aren’t they all?) gave us free shots, and I got at least one drink paid for by a nice gentleman.
And… speaking of... That nice gentleman just happened to be the same guy who contacted me after the first event (the same one I blew off because of that aforementioned "one guy"). Last time, when I met him, he barely spoke to me and I couldn't figure out what had piqued his interest. @ had to fill me in on various bits of information, such as what he did for a living, where he lived, etc. This time, I noticed he was wearing a shirt with the Chicago Accenture Triathlon logo. Turns out, he is also training for the marathon and – what luck – we had much more in common than I first suspected.
So... I guess we shall see what happens next...