Sunday, November 04, 2007

Check Yourself

It's Sunday. 4:30pm. Almost dark outside (thank you very much Daylight Savings Time). I’m sitting here in my apartment in a sports bra and yoga pants, half-watching, half-participating in Billy Blanks: Ab Bootcamp DVD, which I bought at Borders a few days ago. I also bought the 10 Minute Solution: Blast off Belly Fat DVD, which is a series of five 10-minute abdominal workouts. I plan to add a solid 20-30 minute abs workout to the days I run – generally Monday, Wednesday, and Friday – because honestly, I don’t feel like a 30-45 minute run is enough of a workout. Finally, although I have no intention of actually following the diet, I purchased Jillian Michaels' (the super hot, bad ass trainer from the Biggest Loser who I’d totally go lesbian for – not the blond with too many feelings – hey that sounds like me) new book, Making the Cut. Reading diet books is kind of a sick and twisted hobby of mine.

Are we noticing a theme here?

For reasons I can’t articulate, I’ve spent almost a solid week in my fat jeans, the most logical answer to a few days of low self-esteem and body image issues. This doesn’t happen as much as it did before I began running and only worked out (irregularly) to an end goal of weight loss. It wasn’t until training took hold of my life and my goals became bigger (perhaps better) that I realized strong trumps skinny every time. For me, there’s something very satisfying about working out when it’s not just about the lbs.

But lately, I’ve been beating myself down a bit. I haven’t gained weight – in fact, I’ve lost a little, but I feel frumpy. I look in the mirror and think, “Gross.”

I know it’s not right, and it’s not fair to lay on ya’ll (I can almost hear the collective groan). I should be stronger than unrealistic societal norms about the ideal female shape, and love myself and my body no matter what… female empowerment… vote for Hilary … take back the night… hear me roar... blah blah blah.

Whatever.

I feel fat. (There. I said it. How's that for some roarin'?)

I suppose it’s normal every so often to feel a little less than stellar about one’s bod for no reason – no good reason – and I’m coping. And, instead of heading down the usual spiral out-of-control because I feel bad about myself path (read: I am NOT coping with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s), I’ve decided to try a little bit of incentive, which tends not to work for me, but hey, we’ll give it another shot. So, a few weeks ago, I made a deal with TR that if I lost ten pounds by Thanksgiving, he would give me a free, private session in return. Nice. He gets expensive. And I do love me a workout session with TR… if only for the gossip…

We shall see if this motivates.

8 comments:

Lindy said...

Gee Lou, I was thinking on Saturday that you are looking good, like you've lost some weight. Weight that I may have found, according to my scale this morning.

Also, I have a Billy Blanks dvd that I bought for my cross training days back in marathon training. It's still in the box. Let me know how it is...

I also have dr. Oz's YOU on a DIET book that I'm trying to read.

We have lots in common!

-Lindy

p.s. I missed you guys on Saturday, but I'm glad the faster group works for you. Someday I will join you guys (when I'm not pacing.)

Will said...

So how did you go about picking a trainer? My girlfriend has talked about doing this, but she is sort of wishy-washy about picking someone.

I agree though Strong beats Skinny. People need some fitness goal other than losing weight to give them focus. I think that is why running has increased in popularity. It is an activity that people can accomplish by themsleves and personal progress is easily measureable.

L Sass said...

I feel "slubby" after a big race goal, too. After a little bit of celebratory sugar-eating and running-routine-altering, I inevitably feel icky. All that works for me is finding the next goal and getting back on the training track!

Lou said...

Lindy: You are the third CES person to say something to me about how I look like I've lost weight. Thanks :). And it’s true, according the scale, I’m down a bit, but I’m just not feeling it. I must be experiencing some sort of mild (hopefully fleeting) body dysmorphia moment. I'll let you know what I think of the DVD. And, I have You on a Diet. I don’t think I ever finished it, but it’s in the collection.

Will: I met my trainer through a friend who I worked with on and off at a previous job. She and I hadn’t seen each other in a few months and she looked amazing. I asked what she was doing and she told me about TR. If he left for some reason, I honestly wouldn't even know how to go about finding another one. But, my advice would be to make sure that you get someone who isn’t just a "gym rat" with a certification. I think those are the people you generally find at Crunch and other chain gyms. Look at gyms that cater to trainers, and look for trainers who have degrees in exercise science or something similar. Also, if there’s a certain athletic goal (i.e. running a marathon) make sure the trainer has experience in that area. My trainer is a big time runner and has helped me through a variety of aches, pains and injuries.

TravelGretta said...

Is it wrong that I'm sitting here, reading your blog, while eating my bacon chocolate bar?

TravelGretta said...

Oh, and I was "coping" with the fact that I'm too lazy to grocery shop on Saturday night, by eating a pint of Chocolate Fudge Brownie for dinner.

Lou said...

Yep. Been there.

Stacy said...

Have you thought about adding some Yoga to your routine?

I used to be a competitive sprinter and when I stopped I felt fat for a while. It wasn't until I picked up Yoga that the feeling went away...for good.