Thursday, January 03, 2008

The Bandwagon Plays On

I know. This whole vegan nuttiness is totally riveting.

Yesterday went fairly according to “plan” – whatever that is. Lunch was Popeye Pasta leftovers, though no matter how hard I try, eating an appropriately portioned amount of pasta (1 cup cooked) for lunch never leaves me satisfied. I've decided it’s time to give up the pasta-for-lunch dream.

TR called out of the blue and strong-armed me into working out with him last night, so at 5pm, I headed to his gym for a session. He admonished my newest diet/lifestyle experiment and told me that he didn’t know one vegetarian who was in good health, and that three ounces (just three!) of red meat a day (none of that turkey crap) would do me wonders. Wonders! But, he reckoned, he went through a phase when he tried different types of diet nonsense, and I’d probably just have to go through it myself to really understand that eating vegan is akin to dying a slow, painful, malnourished death in the gutter with the other commie hippie atheists.

Too far?

I shrugged my shoulders in a gesture of “whatever,” and sidestepped the obvious question (Why are you doing this, anyway? ) with a solid, “Idunno.” Ah yes… that’s the spirit!

We soldier on. Why? Idunno.

It’s true. I don’t really have a problem with meat. An ethical one anyway. Animals are nice and all that crap, but I’m not an animal person. I don’t want them to die horrible deaths in disgusting slaughter houses and factory farms, but you won’t find me joining the ALF anytime soon.

However, after days of being spoon feed liberal propaganda disguised as entertainment (education?), I feeling rather – let’s say – distrustful of the FDA, the USDA, the EPA, and various other government agencies, as well as lobbyists, not to mention the Executive Office (duh), and all of those other branches. I mean, really... Where is my country, dude? Damn you Michael Moore! Anyway, it’s a long story, but if you’re curious, read Skinny Bitch, then watch Sicko, Jesus Camp, and An Inconvenient Truth in a row, and you’ll understand where I’m at. I can’t help it. I’m an impressionable youth. And these people are pandering to my already liberally biased viewpoints. I never had a chance, people!

Which is completely beside the point.

Back to the vegan thing… no, Keni, I can’t eat goat cheese. It's very sad. For that matter, I can't eat any kind of cheese, or eggs, butter, cream, milk, milk chocolate, meat, fish, or any other product that comes from an animal. And, in theory, I’m not supposed to wear or use any products that comes from an animal – up to and including leather. Of course, I’m not about to change my wardrobe for this. In addition, I’m working hard to cut out sugar (replaced, of course, with natural sweeteners) and in general, processed foods – as much as humanly possible.

Right now, I’m totally ODing on these.

The All American Veggie Burger. I had two for dinner. Yes. Two. Go ahead, judge me. And another for lunch today. Yum.

Amy’s has long been a favorite of mine. The brand is entirely vegetarian (plus they don’t use eggs), and if you’re interested in knowing which of the products are vegan-friendly, you can pretend you have an allergy to diary. Also, if you’re also a fan of Amy’s, and losing weight is one of your New Year’s resolutions, you might be interested in this

Alright… cool. Tonight I’m making Vegetable Fried Rice from The Complete Vegan Cookbook. Stay tuned to see if I totally fuck it up.


Will said...

I love animals...they're delicious!

Trish Ryan said...

You're so brave to try this! I was a vegetarian for a couple of years after getting sick on a hamburger. But I wasn't much of a cook, so my diet consisted mostly of cheeze it's and Kraft Mac & cheese. (Is there a national movement of Carbohydratarians? I guess that would have been me.) I'm back eating meat now, but I'm glad I went without for awhile. You learn stuff about yourself and other people. Enjoy :)

Good luck with the fried rice!

Jen said...

Hey Lou!

You're hilarious.
Wow. Good for you. I'm so glad that I've brainwashed you and your sister into becoming vegan's. It's been challenging to get back on the bandwagon after the holidays but I've been doing my best. The no cheese is the hardest but you get used to it. You should buy "Skinny Bitch in the Kitch" too. Some of the recipes look totally tasty. I need to step it up and start cooking more.