Thursday, May 01, 2008

Slack Attack and I Need Advice

OK. I’ve been slacking on the blog this week, but oddly no one has been so kind as to point out my lack of posting. Perhaps everyone has stopped reading? Hmmm…

Anyway, quick updates, some goals and a story for your reading pleasure. Actually, I’d like to get your opinion on something. So blogosphere (who am I kidding... there are like seven people who read me) -- rather, hey you seven people, help me out with some, k?

First thing first…

The Flying Pig is this Sunday! I am very excited -- to say the least -- in part because I just found out this week that two of my best friends from college will be joining the crew in Cincinnati for dinner the night before the race. That’s KD and Annie who visited me over the summer... a race and a reunion to boot!

I haven’t mentioned any race goals yet, partially because of “the thing I don’t really want to talk about,” which is a big ass, three mile hill climb in the middle of the Flying Pig course. Um... Chicago… flat my friends. Ain’t no hill training here. So, a PR is probably a pipedream, but I would love to see myself finish in around 2 hours, 40 minutes -- similar to my showing at last year’s Distant Classic. If I were to set a pie-in-the-sky goal, it would be 2 hours, 30 minutes, but that would be knocking nine minutes off of last year's PR. We’ll see.

Lastly, I had a little incident at the gym this week. I can best describe the situation as surreal, given that I wrote my first “comedy” script (for my Second City class) about an “average-sized” woman signing up for a gym membership while the sales guy and a trainer try to convince her that she needs personal training to lose an inordinate amount of weight.

So here’s what happened: I’m at the gym, lifting some weights, jamming to my iPod, doing my thing, minding my own business when a 20-something male, obviously an employee of the gym approaches me.

DOUCHEBAG
Can I ask you a few questions while you’re between sets?

ME
(startled)
Uh… well, I guess so.

DOUCHEBAG
How long you been a member of the gym?

ME
Oh I don’t know… maybe six months.

DOUCHEBAG
Great. What would you rate it on a scale of 1 to 10?

ME
Uhhh… a six.

DOUCHEBAG
That’s not good.

ME
Well, it’s always crowded. And it’s really humid.

[What I wanted to say was “It’s always crowded with douchebags.”]

DOUCHEBAG
(scribbling incoherent notes onto a clipboard)
Yeah. I know. We’re opening up some new locations, so hopefully that will help.

ME
Awesome.

DOUCHEBAG
So, can I ask you how much you work out?

ME
Well, I probably come here twice a week, I go to a trainer once a week, and I run about four times a week.

DOUCHEBAG
Great. What are some of your goals?

ME
I’m training for the Chicago Marathon this year and my first triathlon.

DOUCHEBAG
Wow. That is great. And you said you have a trainer? Is he here?

ME
No. He’s not with this gym. I’ve been with him for two years.

DOUCHEBAG
Oh great. That’s great. I’m a trainer here, and I’m giving away free sessions. Are you happy with your trainer? Do you think you’d be interested in trying a free session with me?

ME
I’m happy with my trainer. He’s coached me through two running injuries, and we’ve been together a long time. I really have no plans to leave him… sooo…

DOUCHEBAG
Has weight loss been one of your goals?

ME
Well, I guess so.

DOUCHEBAG
How much have you lost with your trainer?

ME
I don’t know, about 15 pounds.

DOUCHEBAG
In two years?!?!? If you were with me, you would have lost 40 pounds by now.

[emphasis mine]

ME
(completely caught off guard)
Uh… I don’t think I need to lose 40 pounds…

DOUCHEBAG
No… no… that’s not what I’m saying… How much are you looking to lose?

ME
I’m not focusing on weight lose right now. And, I’m not going to leave my trainer, and I can’t afford a second trainer, so I’m going to have to decline your offer.

DOUCHEBAG
I totally understand. Thanks for taking a few minutes to talk to me.

OK… first of all, reading that, I feel like I come off as a total loser/pushover for not saying something a bit more "in your face" right then and there. Like a big "Fuck you."

Anyway, running buddy Meg thinks that I need to go to gym management like STAT and report this douche. I was so confused and bewildered at the whole thing that I really didn’t even consider taking action while I was still at the gym, but after the fact, I reconciled that this young dude probably just doesn’t know any better. There’s a good chance he didn’t actually mean that I needed to lose 40 pounds (and trust me 40 pounds lighter, and I would airing on the side of anorexia), but rather used a “BIG” number to impress upon me his skillz as a douchebag trainer. Me bringing this exchange to the attention of gym management will likely make no difference whatsoever. In fact, there’s a good chance that gym management has impressed upon these young, frat loving, internet-certified trainers that the don't-take-no-for-an-answer hard sell is the way to go and appealing to my inner body image issues will close the deal.

Oh what to do. Internets? Can you help? Ignore or demand justice?

7 comments:

L Sass said...

Ugh, what a loser. I would love to work with a trainer, but I'm too terrified to get a bad one that doesn't know what he's doing!

Lou's Sister said...

I think he was just trying to impress you with a "big" number. If anything you should thank him for inspiring you with the hilarious blog material.

Roisin said...

Douchebagery, now appearing live at your local fitness establishment!

As I said before, perhaps he didn't mean 40 literal pounds, but still...obviously he is afflicted by foot-in-mouth disease.

And as for time goals at the Flying Pig...you can totally do it. The hill is not as bad as you think it's gonna be. I mean, it looks bad, but then you do it and realize that it was no problem. I'm rootin' for ya :)

Lindy said...

I might say something. Or wait for him outside the gym one evening and throw eggs at him from an undisclosed location.

Will said...

Let it go. The unfortunate thing is that these guys are focused on women for two reasons:

1. As you mentioned, they can prey on the body image issue.

2. Many women have never lifted or trained for anything. I hate to say it but most are intimidated by the weight room and serious training. I got my girlfriend hooked on weight training a couple months back just by dragging her up to the free wieghts and start lifting with her. It was just an intimidation thing for her and when she realized most of the guys in the wieght room were too self-involved to worry about judging her
she was fine.

Truth is most people don't need trainers at all. Trainers help you train for something, ie sports, distance running, etc. If you are a good trainer you get business by word of mouth. These guys have to focus on these shitty sales techinques in part because they suck at what they do and are desperate.

I Heard Tell said...

Approaching someone at a gym BETWEEN SETS is really unprofessional, as is discussing anything remotely related to weight-loss with a person you don't know.
Can you get a guy friend to follow him into the men's room and corner him while he's at a urinal to ask if he's interested in some information about Rogaine? I'm sure he'd appreciate the helpful tip.

heidikins said...

What an ass! Seriously, Big Fat Arse.

xox