Tuesday, September 09, 2008

All On Black

Once upon a time, I took up knitting. I was in college, and my roommate Anastasia learned how to crochet. I suppose I wanted to do something with yarn and a stick as well. So I bought some needles and a how-to booklet, and I started knitting.

My first project, a scarf, resulted in a much-to-be-desired potholder. As did my second scarf. And, for the sake of honesty, I never learned how to cast off anyway. I just didn't have it in me.

Knitting is not my thing. And eventually, after attempting to pick it up three or four more times throughout my early 20s, I accepted that.

Anastasia, on the other hand, gave me a crotched scarf when I left Ohio to attend graduate school in Illinois five years later.

Since Saturday, I have done a lot of thinking, I have reread what I wrote after my 18 mile run, and I have wondered, “Why am I running this marathon?" Hell, why am I running at all? A dozen and a half miles in, and I can’t remember why I started running in the first place.

Then a new post from the blog Studies in Clydeology showed up in my Google Reader. This guy just ran an ultramarathon… 100 miles… seriously people, all at the same time. And I think he’s totally nuts. And I think his accomplishments make my accomplishments look small and insignificant. Oh yeah, and he just signed up for another 100 mile race. But, seriously, why on earth, after a grueling 100 miles, would you ever decide to do it again?

And then I read this:
This is the direction of my life. Those who have known me best and known me longest know this has been my path. I have found another tool to take me where I’m going and there is really no time to spare.
And that's just it. Running -- this life -- stuck.

It was not foreseen. Is is not something I would have guessed… or could have guessed. It, given the opportunity to make the choice, is probably not the road I would have taken. But here I am. I can bitch and moan and gripe all I want, but this is what makes me tick. And I can guarantee you that when I finish the Chicago Marathon -- no matter how ugly it does or doesn't get -- I’ll sign up for another one -- a marathon, a half marathon, a triathlon.

I know in my heart that this is my path. I know this like I've only known one other thing in my life. One can only imagine how it will all end up unfolding, but I believe that I'm headed some where amazing. And in the reality of the moment, of right this very second, I’m just thankful I have a direction and, at least on the good days, I am moving forward.


Roisin said...

You know, having read that, where I am and I'm doing suddenly makes sooo much sense to me. You kinda just have to surrender to "it" and go.

Good for you :)

Kendra said...

This whole crazy running business did stick for you - and I think its awesome.

Though I still lean towards crazy when you talk about Ironman stuff.

Anonymous said...

You are a ninja! All the way!