Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Reprieve

Is it really February 10? Because as far as I can tell, it's spring, and not shitty Chicago spring (drizzly, 40 degrees), but real spring with sun and mild temperatures and no excuses pardoning us from the long run because this... this is distance weather.

Alas, it will be gone too soon.

This weather, though a short reprieve, could not have come at a better time. It's been a rough couple of days or seven. For a variety of reasons, many of which I will not go into here, I was a keyed up, anxiety-ridden mess who couldn't stop stressing about the small things... and the not so small things... and the only answer that made sense to me with went something along the lines of, "Maybe if I stuff another handful of Cheerios into my mouth all of this will go away and I will be cured of the evil, awful everything."

It's really not that bad. But I'm nothing if not dramatic. As a side note: I feel bad for the children if I ever have any, or, I don't know, if I'm forced to babysit cause I'm cash-strapped or need to fulfill some community service requirement, because I don't know how I will feed them Cheerios without being all, "Hey give me some of those," and then eating all of the Cheerios. I have always, and likely will forever more, eat Cheerios like I am a two year old, straight out of the box, by the fistful.

But really, what is wrong with me? Oh who the hell knows? It's probably mostly work, a general anxiety that has been growing for months, maybe years. I often think of new careers for myself but the path... the path always seems to complicated, overrun with variables and science courses I didn't take when I should have. But still, it's a fun game. You know, maybe in my next life I'll be a _______________. It's usually something exercise/diet/fitness/endurance sports related, careers that would take decades just to master the prerequisites, don't even get me started on the actual degrees. And it never seems to make sense. For example, in one such scenario, I was to lie about my permanent address on the application to the program just so I could get normal-priced tuition. While I know people do this and I'm really not at all against this situation so that your education is affordable, it wasn't the road I wanted to venture down. But that's neither here nor there really.

So I planned. I planned to think about this whole career thing after I turn 30. After I get married. Maybe sometime in 2010. You know, later after x, y, and x are in order. And then suddenly... in the midst of being angry and pissed and all "poor me" about my job, it appeared. A path. It was a long time coming. But lately, it had been revealing itself to me more and more. Until it finally became clear.

Now, the truth is, there's still a lot to figure out. This isn't necessary "happening" in "reality." But, it just makes so much sense. And I'm really excited about it. More information will be forthcoming. Unless I punk out, which is totally possible.

In other news... Meg, @, and I took advantage of the weather and had a lovely three mile run. It was more than lovely -- good friends, a good run, good conversation -- it was a reminder. It was balancing. Running is nothing less than a gift. Sometimes, I forget that.

4 comments:

Roisin said...

We should have a pow-wow about career changes, because I'm so there too.

heidikins said...

I also have a pending career change, and I WISH the path looked easy. Sigh. Good luck with your paths dear, and yay for awesome runs!

xox

RBR said...

Oooh! I feel like there should be a "dun dun dun" music over. So when do we get the dirty details? Inquiring (ok, nosy) minds want to know!

Hope you are well and not too stressed with pre-wedding madness!

Lindy said...

I've been one big ball of stress, too. With cookie orders and birthday party planning (Jada's). UGH. Glad it's all over and it's time to concentrate on (dun dun dun)

HALF MARATHON TRAINING! Looking forward to some therapeutic runs!!!