Thursday, October 08, 2009

Taking Stock

The Chicago Marathon is approaching. I don’t know how I’m going to feel standing out there, a part of the crowd on Sunday, but I do know that right now, with all that I have had going on the last three months, I’m somewhat relieved that there was something that I could let myself let go. I may be disappointed come Sunday when I jump in with Lindy for her last miles, but doubt I’m in for any long term regret.

As I mentioned last week, taking on school has proved to be harder than I imagined. However, I’m loving it. The three hours of class on Monday nights seems to fly by, which is a miracle in and of itself, but moreover, I’m eager to participate each class; I’m excited about my group’s final project (which is going to be awesome, and I’ve already taken on the roll of group’s slightly annoying, overly enthusiastic cheerleader); and I’m looking forward to picking a topic for a bibliography I have to put together. I’m finding out all this stuff about something I have loved for a really long time: writing. Who knew you could study it, right?

Regardless of my slightly-annoying, overly enthusiastic attitude, I’ve felt the need to take stock lately of what is important to me, and how I would like to see the next five years or so of my life play out. It’s an exercise that can become a bit obsessive in a bad way, because there is no actual way of controlling these things.

But to be frank with you audience, there are some very big decisions that MM and I plan to make in the next five years, i.e. Do we want to buy a home, and more importantly, do we want to leave the city and head to the suburbs (the horror!)? Do we want to start (and perhaps finish having) a family? Since my education is being paid for in full, I have to do well at this job and be moderately happy enough to stick it out until I’m done with school… at the very least. If that’s the case, do I really want it to take me four years to finish this degree? Or do I need to start doubling up on classes each quarter so I can finish in 2 years? And beyond the degree, is going on to a PhD something I could be serious about? And if I don’t want to go on for a PhD, what are my career options within the University or elsewhere in Chicago?

I know I probably shouldn’t be writing these things on my blog, mostly because the topic of having kids seems really taboo for some reason. Maybe that’s just my prejudice and not reality?

Anyway, I don’t need to figure all this stuff out right this very second. Sometimes I just like to write down what I’m thinking about. I do know this: This job is WAY (like a million times and then some) better than the clusterfuck of a job I left in June. And of course there is the whole sweet deal, free education thing. I am very lucky, and I do not take that for granted, but if there is anything I keep learning it’s that marketing is not where I want to be. Either I’ll tough it out until I have a good reason and the resources to quit or I’ll find something I love. It might be a naïve, idealist proposition, and I maybe I should know better at my age. But, I’m optimistic.


Kendra said...

I'm still taking the head-in-sand approach to many of these topics, but I think its awesome you are putting it all out there.

Lindy said...

What an insightful post, I'm feeling the pressure to be equally insightful...however, due to time contstraints, let me just once again say that you definitely had a lot on your plate, and don't be disappointed about the marathon. We're swapping roles from last year, basically, AND I APPRECIATE KNOWING THAT AT SOME POINT WHEN I NEED IT MOST, MY RUNNING BUDDY WILL BE THERE TO RUN WITH ME!!!! THANKS!!! (Not sure why I wrote that in all caps, other than the fact that I'm starting to freak out a bit.)

Roisin said...

I have to agree with both of the above comments. You're a brave woman and you should be so proud of yourself. Inspiring, really.