OK. I’m calling it. I’ve stayed a bit too long at this pity party. I’ve done my fair share of bitching and moaning, and now it’s time for action, for solutions.
Motherhood comes with all kinds of changes, and not all of them are as cute and lovable as my sweetpea Emme. I can spend all kinds of time pinpointing exactly what it is that upsets me or makes this whole parenting stuff difficult. And I have struggled with many a change. But the only way forward is acceptance.
Right now, I cannot change my job situation. At least not right this second. I cannot force my boss to make a decision on my timeline. And I can’t quit my job without MM and I putting a little more thought and planning into what comes next.
And I cannot do everything. I can’t even do most things. Maybe at some point I’ll be able to take on more, but right now, I need to prioritize, and I’m pretty sure that after the babe, my health is what needs the most attention. Right now, I need to feel better physically, which I think will make me feel better mentally and ultimately, provide the clarity needed to make some of these larger decisions.
The number one thing I need is more sleep. Now, I can’t completely control whether or not Emme makes it through the night (sometimes she does and sometimes she doesn’t), but I can control when I go to bed. And, if I stopped bringing my laptop or iPad to bed with me, I’d actually start going to sleep at a decent hour. So, that’s where I’ll begin. No more electronics in bed--at least not for awhile.
Next, I need to make sure we are eating healthy. I need to set aside time for meal planning, build up our freezer stock of dinners, and stop ordering out several nights a week. I think that would go a long way toward helping both MM and I feel less lethargic.
I’m not going to focus on my weight. I have to stop beating myself up for not losing weight right now when I still need to produce enough milk to feed my kid. Some people lose weight breastfeeding; some people do not. I have to accept where I am for now.
I’m also not going to focus on organized exercise or setting goals in terms of the number of times I make it to the gym. This doesn’t mean I’m never going to work out. I am. I’m going to keep going to my favorite Zumba class each week because I enjoy it. I’m going to do my best to get outside and walk with Emme as soon as Chicago realizes that it’s spring. Once I am feeling closer to 100% health-wise, I’ll think a little bit more about my exercise goals. Or maybe I won’t. We’ll see.
So that’s where I’m at--in a better headspace and ready to move forward with some realistic (hopefully) expectations for the next week.