So maybe I'm not training for marathons or even half marathons these days (I am training for a 10K!), but I still enjoy invoking the life as marathon as life metaphor whenever possible. I’ve started running once a week on Monday evenings with a local moms group. Last night, I was running next to a newer-than-me mom, and as new moms tend to do, we started sharing our war stories—labor and delivery, sleepless nights, work-life balance, nursing, pumping, daycare.
Then the subject of second babies came up. Our family has hit the one-year mark, which, if nothing else signals to nosy family members and strangers that it’s time to start telling me that Emme “needs” a sibling. So I asked the new mom running on my right, “Have you ever run a marathon?” She had not. (I totally recognize that this makes me sound slightly obnoxious, but that was not my intention and I had a point.)
The way I feel about having a second baby is the way I feel about training for and running another marathon. I think about it; I watch other people run marathons and think, ‘I could do that’; there are moments that it seems totally doable—a good idea even. And then there are times I think, ‘never again.’ But mostly, now that I know what I know what to expect from training for and running a marathon, I just can’t wrap my head around doing it right now. I haven’t been able to wrap my head around 26.2 miles for four years. I honestly can’t tell you if I’ll ever run another marathon, and yet, I have a hard time believing that I won’t give it another go at some point.
That pretty much sums up my feelings about baby #2. Maybe we will; maybe we won't, but right now my head's not in that game, and I'm not ready to go back.